atiee

For everytime I hear of ppl w troubled family. I thank Allah I haf a better one. For everytym I hear a child being ill treated by the parents, I thank Allah for having u both in my lyf. For everytym I hear my fwens tel me of their broken family, I thank Allah I still haf mine. But I always seem t haf fingers pointing at me for being the worst, wen I try to b my best. Im nvr a gud enuf daughter for u.. For neither of u.. Im always the worst. No matter how I try. I fail. I fail terribly. I nvr succed in maakin u hapi or proud. Nth has evr been enuf. Nvr gud enuf.

I stil rmbr clearly d hapiest day of my pri sch yrs. Was hapily holdin my cert scoring 3 As & a B, ranking 2nd in class. Hapily went ovr t d kitchen while u wer doing the laundry and telin u of my results. I tot ur gna b hapi fr me. I tot ud b proud of me. Instead u said, “alah. markah kau ni cukop makan aje. kakak kau dapat 2 A aje pon aggregate lagi tinggi dari kau”
How cud u say tt??? Ive done my best. I score an A for math! Which I failed during prelim.. I ranked 2nd in class. Does it not mean a thing to u??? IT MENT EVERYTHING TO ME!! As lazy as I wud always be.. I ranked 2nd in class!!! That was the happiest moment.. And all u did was to compare me t ur fav daughter????
Not even a “congratz! u passed!!”
NO!

Ive nvr rcvd words of encouragement frm u.. Nvr..

Ive always wanted t b d best. Bt nth is evr gud enuf fr u.

No point of hating u.. Ur stil my flesh & blood.

Idk wat t.do anymore. Nth hs evr been gud enuf fr u. Idk wat else u wan frm me…

I feel unwanted. Not needed. As if I have no rights at all to feel. As if im incapable of feeling hurt. They treat me as if im nothing. As if I dont get hurt by their words and actions. As if I dont exist.

Ala.. Dier kan mmg cam ni.. Dier kan mmg cam tu.. Ketawekan dier!! Dier selenger! Dier bodoh! Dier memang tak bererti dalam keluarga ni! Bodoh2kan dier! Dier tak kan terase!

Im not a doll. I have feelings.

U & bil wana celebrate ibu & ayah’s bdae as a fam. Fine. Whytf u ask adek t bring d bf?? U tink I haf no feelings?????? U tink it dsnt hurt me?? WHATHEFUCK WOULD I BE DOING THEN???? BRING A HUGE MIRROR AND STARE AT MYSELF WHILE THE REST OF YOU ARE HAPPILY LAUGHING AWAY????? Wtf?? Seriously wtf??????

If u tink roting at home in weekends while everyone is out having fun is not the worst of things.. U think again.

APE AKU NI TAK BERHANGA LANGSUNG KE????
AKU PON MANUSIA MACAM KAU!!!!
I have my rights just like you. And I have every right to my feelings too..

And stop repeating the phrase “biler kau nak ader bf” pat aku kay. It hurts enuf tt ibu hates everyone. It hurts enuf tt evryone else including d fwens haf their other halves to turn to. It hurts even more.. That everytym I try t do smtng abt it.. I gta consider if ibu is gna like it or not.

Its just too much. Way too much. Can I quit being me already? Ive haf enuf.

Wow amazing. I have such heartless people close to me. If everyone is facing their other half-s during dinner tomorrow.. Den aku kene bawak cermin besa uh ni facing sndri. Fk! Tnx kay. Tnx for never thinking abt how I feel. Its bad enuf that everyone enjoy their weekend while I rot at home being the “only child” okay! Fk tis. Seriously.